UNSETTLED
I want to invite you on my journey the year or so before starting Unsettled. A journey that started with a season that God drew very close to me and that has developed into you reading these words. It started on a peaceful August morning as I sat on a dock in the middle of New York while I was vacationing with my family. I had been looking forward to this vacation for awhile as my construction job always gets busy and stressful over the summer. The trouble was that the weeks leading to the vacation were exceptionally difficult. I was in a rough place emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Exhausted, irritated, and allowing myself to shift my focus off His faithfulness, I was not doing well.
I knew if I went into this vacation feeling this way I would not rest. It would be a week of me seeking self over others and getting frustrated daily. What happened next was so good though. In a way that only a loving father could, God took me by the hand and reset me. He melted the stone of my heart and stripped away the burdens I was carrying. Looking back, it is difficult to remember what exactly He did in the days leading up to the vacation. All I know is that He brought peace to the chaos that was my life at the time because He wanted me calm. He was getting ready to speak into my life and knew my petulancy was a barrier to His loving me. If you’re frustrated by my lack of detail here, let me put it this way. My world was off center and out of focus. He brought it back to where it should be, and He did it in a way that made everything else irrelevant. He calmed the storm and it didn’t matter how He did it. It only mattered that He did it.
Now entering into vacation, I was already feeling a peace. A feeling I am usually hoping for at the end of my time off. This meant that on day one of the trip, I already felt like I had been there a week. I woke up the first morning feeling crazy refreshed. I looked at the clock next to me expecting to see 8:00am or even later, but no. It was only 6:00. As I laid there getting ready to roll over to get another hour or two of sleep, a thought passed through my mind. “Meet me at the dock, I want to spend time with you.” This wasn’t an audible voice, but based on experience, it was the still small voice that God uses with me.
I got out of bed. Excited. Full of expectancy. Today was going to be a good day.
This happened every day for the whole week. Each day started with time in His word, but evolved into more. Different each day. Prayer, worship, silence, more scripture. It was beautiful. I drew close to Him and He drew close to me. I’ll skip a lot of the details, but one thing was sure, writing was in my future when it had never been a part of my past. It was exciting, but a bit unsettling.
Unsettled. What does that even mean? Well after that week, I kept hearing that word. It’s not a word you hear everyday (not that it is uncommon either though), but I was hearing it a lot. Casual conversations, on the radio, a book I read, etc. I felt like God was highlighting this word for some reason. So, I tucked it away until now. He reminded me of the word when I finally felt He was telling me to put myself out there. Give this thing a real effort. To finally start putting the words of His story He has written on my heart.
It has a pretty negative connotation doesn’t it? You don’t typically go, “Wow! Today was so much fun! I felt unsettled all day!” Unsettled is reserved for something that isn’t good. Something that leaves you feeling uncomfortable and disturbed. It evokes sensations of worry or even regret. Here is the big question though, does it have to be a bad thing?
Looking at the Bible, God uses some pretty messed up people. Moses was a murderer with stutter, David was an adulterer and a murderer too, Peter was a liar, and Paul… well Paul was a rough character before he met the Lord. Each of them had to feel pretty unsettled with their lives, situations, relationships, and what God was calling them into. And yet, God was all over it. He used their brokenness and unsettled hearts to let His Kingdom break through into our world. Something He is still doing today with everyday people like you and me.
Unsettled. It can be a good thing. An unsettled nature with God at the helm is a very different situation than when we are trying to steer. When we are settled, we are safe. We can go about our every day lives and float through life with as little difficulty as possible. We go through the motions. Sure, we might think about putting ourselves out there from time to time, but that feeling passes and we go back to going through the motions again. What if we engaged the unsettled? Started seeing it for what it is – an opportunity. A way for God to reach into our lives and lead us well. Lead us to His will, His desire for our lives, and a deeper relationship with Him. The unsettled means we are doing something right. It is a burning bush, a calling, a hope. What if we all let Him lead us into the unsettled? What could He do with us?
The picture I chose to start this blog with is a paper boat in the middle of a lot of water. What could be more unsettling than being on that boat? On our own, that boat has no hope of staying afloat for long. The paper will become soaked and the boat will be lost. Fortunately, we are not alone. Inviting Him to captain the boat frees us to admire the view, to invite others onto the boat with us, or even to just sit in silence and watch the captain do what He does best. Will the boat last forever? Maybe not. But that’s the captain’s problem. I just need to stick to the captain’s orders and trust He knows best.
Father – I pray now for my unsettled. All those feelings of control, fear, and pride I know I need to release but hold on to anyway. Will you lean into those? Will you show me the beauty of the unsettled, and will you guide me to a trust in You that makes me excited when I feel unsettled. I’m tired of going through the motions. I pray for life, excitement, but most all I pray for more of You. Turn my unsettled into your Kingdom breaking through to earth. In Jesus’ name - Amen