What do you do when darkness falls? What do you tell yourself or where do you go when you try to tell yourself that you are standing on the rock – on solid ground- on your faith in Jesus, but it just seems hollow? The words come out of your mouth, but for some reason, there just seems to be a chasm between your head and your heart. A distance that in the past was so short it was essentially non-existent. Your head spins, your heart aches, and your body is just so tired of fighting the darkness that creeps ever closer by the day. What do you do?

That was me a few weeks ago. On the outside, I’m strong. No one knows the torrent of emotions going on inside of me. I go through the motions every day. Wake up. Go to work. Kick you know what there. Come home. Play with my kids. Make dinner. Support my wife. Go to Men’s group. Love and guide those guys. Go home. Go to sleep. Repeat.

Each day that passes though, I get a little edgier. My temper is a little shorter and I need more time to myself. “Daddy just needs a couple of minutes, then I’ll come play with you, buddy.” I feel my resolve eroding away. I pray, I read scripture, I try. I really do. But that chasm just grows every day. The darkness is close, shadowing my path. I know God is near – I can feel Him. It is just so hard. I am searching, pushing, pleading, and doing anything I can to get myself back. Back to where I was at with God not so long ago. Why do I feel this way? Why do my prayers seem so empty? I know God is real, but I feel like I pray to emptiness.

If you have ever felt this way, if you have ever had any of the thoughts above, know that this is the enemy. 100%. This not God testing you. This is not punishment for a sin, and it is certainly not what God wants for you in the least. It is a pure and simple act of spiritual warfare where the enemy is trying to divide and conquer. The enemy is smart – not that I want to give him any credit, but he is. He knows scripture. He knows your heart, and he knows your desires. He also knows God’s desire- which is simply to be one with us. God longs to be close to His creation, and the enemy is at war to make sure that doesn’t happen. If the enemy can get you alone, then he’s got you. He’s won.

Not sure about this? Check out Sun Tzu’s wording of it in Art of War “By discovering the enemy's dispositions and remaining invisible ourselves, we can keep our forces concentrated, while the enemy's must be divided.” Sounds like the devil’s tactics to me. Sounds like warfare. Make no mistake about it, there is a constant battle that we cannot see that wages for our minds and souls every day. And since we only see part of it here on earth, it can seem confusing, discouraging, and downright dark.

So again, I ask, what do you do when the darkness falls? What do you do when the prayers, scriptures, and conversations all seem so hollow that it pushes into frustration? You don’t want to be fake, but you long so much for it to be real. This is where I was at. Maybe you have some things you do if/when you feel this way. I’ll share with you what I feel like God showed me:

“The faith you define on the mountain tops becomes your battle cry in the valley.”

For me, that is so instrumental. I need to remind myself what is really going on and how to pray real prayers again. What do I mean by the faith I define on the mountain top? God is who He says He is and He is going to do what He says He is going to do. When you are in a good place it is a beautiful sentiment about God’s love and faithfulness. It is empowering and a trustworthy foundation to build a relationship with Him around. It evokes trust and reveals His character.

But what about the bad times? What’s this battle cry? Say it again, but with emphasis. Say it again, but as a prayer to Him. God – You ARE who you say You ARE! You are GOING to DO what You say you are GOING to DO! See the difference? It becomes a declaration as well as prayer to reestablish our foundational faith in Him. On Him. On the rock. It reminds us of His goodness. That His love isn’t far and that His faithfulness is real. It reminds us that He will not forsake us. It was finished on the cross and we do not need to be afraid. The enemy has no place here. This is His time. His place. His beloved. He loves us and will not abandon us and we can stand firm on that no matter our circumstances. No matter what whirlwinds of life are going on around us. No matter how isolated the enemy has tried to make us, we are not alone. He is with us. He is exactly who He says He is. And He is doing exactly what He says He is going to do. No fear can change that. No worry can affect Him. Nothing can change Him. He is perfect and perfection cannot be changed or else it was never perfect. You can’t improve perfect.

That’s what I did. That’s what He reminded me of, and that’s what I needed. Guess what happened next? My resolve didn’t keep eroding away, the darkness did. The enemy was forced to loosen His grasp. My prayers didn’t seem quite as hollow. Worship had meaning. I began to feel again. He used friends to support me. Opened my eyes to beauty and blessing I couldn’t see before. Like a waterfall blocked by a dam, it trickled at first, but then breakthrough came. The Holy Spirit crashed in and shone a light on that darkness. It was forced out. No place for it here. It was beautiful, it was emotional, but most of all it was Him.

This wasn’t the first time of me feeling this way and I know it won’t be the last. I have volunteered for this war. This spiritual battle where good battles evil every day. “Count it all joy” James said. (James 1:2) It isn’t easy, but I will try, for I know He is with me.

Jesus – Thank you. Thank you, a thousand times. You did not abandon me in my time of need even when I felt far from You. I pray now that you would strengthen me because I know the enemy will not stop coming. I consider it a joy to be targeted by him because he must feel threatened by me. Threatened by how You want to use me. But that doesn’t make it any easier to fight these battles. I need you, Lord. I need your strength to fight for me. Help me put on your full armor to stand against the enemy’s schemes. I love you and I need you. In your name I pray – Amen.