I tried something out this year after a recommendation from a friend. At the end of last year / beginning of this year I prayed for God to reveal a word to me that would guide me through 2019. I strongly felt my word this year was blessing, even though I prayed for a different one. I still struggle with it. While praying through it I believe He was telling me He wanted to show me blessing in my life, show me how to be a blessing to others, and teach me how to actually accept blessing into my life well (from Him and from others). Essentially, I need to redefine the word blessing, because it carries a lot of baggage to me.

Don’t get me wrong, blessings are great, but my initial instinct brings to mind tangible blessings, i.e. monetary or cool stuff. This stems from struggles in my past (and ongoing) with materialism. In the past blessing is usually followed by guilt too. Whether I am worthy of the blessing, did I do enough to earn it, is someone else more suited or more in need… you get the picture. God has been working on it with me, but again I still struggle.

My life is blessed beyond measure, but I still struggle with my emotional state. As I read through the beatitudes, I tried to do so through the lens of blessing for me (and my word of this year.) Matthew 5:3-12:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Every blessing He gives out here is what my heart is longing for and what I have been seeking in my struggle. I need to calm down and simplify. My struggles have been a desire to experience His Kingdom, receive comfort, be content with my finances and stuff, satisfaction, to receive freedom (mercy), to experience God, and to know that I am His. The scripture covers it all, so simply. May it be my prayer, a simple prayer.

Father – I come to you as a child. A child seeking blessing and favor. Not because I have done anything to earn it, but because I know you love me. Help me to simplify my life and follow your word. Redefine blessing to me and help me to bless others. Teach me, Lord. – In Jesus’ Name – Amen