paradox

I am designed and desire to speak and hear from God, but I can’t handle what He has to say.

Awhile back, I wrote this line down in my journal after spending some time reading Dallas Willard’s Hearing God. I think it is something a lot of us can relate to not just in our relationship with Him, but in our relationship with many people in our lives. We have expectations on what we want and how we want things to go, but then the results don’t line up.

Let’s break this down a little together. “I am designed and desire to speak and hear from God.” I truly believe this, and I have experienced this in my life as I have alluded to in previous posts. Before I go any deeper though, I want to say that the following is my experience. Period. We are all children of God, and if you have children of your own (or possibly even if you don’t), you know that each child is so completely different. The idea that you can parent all your kids the exact same way is a recipe for disaster, in my opinion. Not to say that you don’t try to instill the same values in them, but the approach has to be different. Some kids are hard-headed and stubborn while others desire to please and obey – to be the good boy or girl. Others don’t even consider either and are more dreamers than defiant or obedient. In the same way, God knows you and knows your heart. He will connect with you in the way that He knows will stir you up, and it will likely look different than those around you. Different isn’t better or worse, it is just different. Our Father loves you that much. He will do whatever it takes to reach you.

Back to the line – designed and desire. We see it all throughout the Bible that God speaks to people regularly. He is still doing it today. It is hard wired into us. We are designed to communicate with Him and through that design comes the desire. Some of you might be a little put off by this, but hang on a second. Like I said a moment ago, it looks different for all of His children. It doesn’t mean that you have a grand vision of Jesus descending from the clouds and speaking in an audible voice, although He certainly could. For me, it usually starts with a still, small voice whispering to me in moments of solitude and prayer. I hold on to these whispers and let them guide me, convict me. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I mishear those whispers or sometimes they are just a starting point for Him to begin something. This is why it is so important to bounce things off other people you love and trust. God will most often speak through others to you. Using His other kids as tools to further His relationship with you. To bring kingdom breakthrough. There is a reason the Bible is so full of community driven ideas. Acts is full of them. The disciples went out two by two. We need that community to keep us focused, and to prevent the enemy from sneaking in his voice.

Regardless of if you feel God is speaking to you or how He does it, we are designed and desire that communication because He wants it with us too. But here is the problem – the paradox. That communication isn’t all flowers and butterflies. We can’t handle what He has to say. There is conviction and correction. Rebuke. A weird biblical word we don’t use much in everyday conversation, probably because it’s hard. The thing to remember is that rebuke, in its truest sense, rebuke from Him, is rooted in love. It is rooted in a deep desire of our Father to see us at our best, and it is necessary to draw close to Him.

It’s hard though. I once read that all anxiety is unmet expectations. It is so true. When that anxiety stems from God, I think it makes it even harder. I go to Him with the hope of feeling loved and experiencing His peace, but then I walk away with anxiety. In that moment, I need to realize that He doesn’t want that for me. His desire is not to leave me with anxiety, but to leave me with conviction. There is a fine line between the two, but there is a difference.

Anxiety is an unmet earthly expectation that leaves us feeling isolated.
Conviction is an invitation to walk with Him into a change for good.

Father – You are so good. You take the time to speak to us, to guide us. Not only that, but you actually want to speak to us. The God of the universe wants to be a part of my life. It is humbling. Thank you. Lord, help me to release my anxiety over the things you are convicting me of. Help me to remember they are for my good and the good of your Kingdom. I pray that you will mute the enemy, make plain your words to me, and give me the wisdom to see through your lens and not my own earthly, mess of a lens. In Jesus’ Name - Amen